Escopeaganza!
by SK-sama
Summary: What's that? You say you want a fanfic with Izzy-inspired chaos, a unique take on canon-vs-fanon, and fanservice everyone can enjoy? Sorry, you had me at "Izzy" and "chaos". {Post-Season 3 AU}


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**After a long-ass hiatus at Job Corp and job-searching, I'm finally back to start the new year with a concept I've had for some time. The AU setting means that **_**Revenge of the Island, All-Stars, **_**and **_**Pahkitew Island**_** never happened.**

**Warning~ **The series you are about to read contains fangirling, sudden moments of randomness, crossovers, bronies, yaoi (M/M) and yuri (F/F), ignoring haters, defying physics, molestation of a certain red tracksuited jock, toilet humor, crossdressing, explosions, Internet memes, diabetic-inducing fluff, swearing, cosplaying, OCs, mild alcohol and drug use, destroying the forth wall, nudity, musical numbers, pranks, cultural awareness, disrespect of authority figures, avoidance of religion and politics, a serious lack of seriousness and overall feelings of "wtf did I just read?!"

A vulture lands near a skeleton carcass, pecking the last remaining pieces of meat. Suddenly a transit bus speeds by, burning off all the birds feathers. Who could be responsible for this immediate endangerment of possibly breaking the sound barrier?

That would be a familiar and handsome reality show host, his military-trained co-host, and sixteen temp-hired 'victims'. Let's start from the driver's side, front to back:

Chef was driving, Chris was checking out the final details of the memo sent to him from the executives. Sierra and Dakota were exchanging gossip through their digital devices. Tyler and Gwen were playing cards with Duncan and Zoey who sat behind them, and Eva was near the end using the various boxes in the back as weights.

On the passengers' side, Sam was playing his handheld game while Izzy provides special effects to enhance the experience, Dawn and Noah were debating on how necromancy was more on life or death. Alejandro was sharing his 'playboy tips' to Scott, who the latino had seen potential in, with the ginger gawking at the mention of 'assless chaps'. Owen was telling Brick his story of shooting down a 10-foot bear. And finally Lightning was trying to overdo Eva in weight-lifting.

They have all gotten to know each other for a week at Total Drama Towers before setting off on this trip. Chris had 'hired' the newbies for a few reasons. He wanted to expand the target audience for when finally got a chance to host another season of Total Drama.

Lightning for the urban market, Scott for the backwoods folks who can actually afford electricity, Dakota's the daddy's little princess superstar wannabe, Sam for the gamers, Dawn for the peace-loving hippies, Brick for the military, and Zoey for the retro hipsters.

"Come on man, you know I don't punch girls."

"You punch Izzy all the time!" Duncan counteracts Tyler's statement.

"Yeah, but she's like one of the guys."

"So she's a female who functions as a male in certain situations?" Zoey intervenes as she draws a card.

"I think Izzy's a she-bro all the time, and when she sticks it in people, it unlocks their gayness." The jock fiddles through his hand as he rabbles, revealing a royal flush. The other three just stared at him in disbelief. Gwen is the first to respond.

"...Do you even think before you talk?"

"Not at all!" He appeared to be oblivious to the others.

The goth can't help but roll her eyes and smirk. "At least you're a honest idiot."

That's when the bus comes to a sudden halt. Tyler fell backwards landing on Dawn's lap. The jock blushes in embarrassment, Dawn only giggled as she proceeded to scratch behind his ear like a clumsy brown kitty. This made Alejandro let out a sad groan, wanting to be in the moonchild's place.

Their destination was large jungle with several abandoned bunkers. Now was Chris' time to shine or so he thought...

"Attention all contestants! That's right, we got a new season and we're goin' online!"

There were scattered cheers of approval, mostly for the newcomers as they didn't know what to expect.

"You do realize that means we're going to continue taking orders from a sadist ephebophile." Noah says, hoping to dash their hopes with the rash reality.

"What's an ephebophile?" Sam asked, it was the only time he had looked up from his gaming system during the whole trip.

Izzy pops up with an in-a-nutshell responds. "A middle-aged man that has the hots for teenagers!"

"I am not...middle-aged..." Chris starts to resent the remark but ends up muttering the last part.

Clearing his throat to reassure the teens' attention, he starts to read of the he didn't know was that the notes were not actually sent from the producers, but a hacked confirmation with the combined twisted wit of Izzy and Noah!

"We'll be introducing a points system...blah blah blah legal stuff...teams will change for every challenge...blah blah more legal stuff...there will be no elimination like in the show. Instead, everyone will choose two members of the losing team who they wish to stay. But you CAN'T vote for yourself. The one with the least amount of votes will be exiled to Boney Island."

"But how are you-"

"Muffin button." Izzy replies in only the way Izzy can.

"You mean teleporter?" Noah tries to make sense of what his psychotic friend said.

"Yeah that's what I said."

Chris continues. "There are two ways to gain invincibility: having the lowest number of points total at the end of the day or if you went to Boney Island during the previous challenge. One final note to be made is due to her eccentric and innovation take on creativity, the position of Activities Director, that is the one who plans the challenges will be given to Izzy...wait, WHAT?!"

"You dare question your superiors?" The redhead hops over the host to accept her new title.

"If I'm getting paid I don't have much of a choice do I?" Chris gets off the bus first, muttering something about what drugs were the producers on.

"Before we head out Izzy has brought you all gifts!" She pulls out small box and starts throwing what looked like bracelets with insignias one by one at the other teens.

A white one with a lotus flower went to Dawn. An orange one with a shark fang went to Scott. A black one with a devil's tail went to Alejandro.

A purple one with a fluffy end of a paintbrush went to Gwen. A magenta one with a snowflake went to Zoey. A red one with a pair of Ts, went to Tyler.

A grey one with an Army badge went to Brick. An indigo one with a barbell went to Eva. A pink one with a diamond went to Dakota.

A yellow one with a bitten doughnut went to Owen. A brown one with a joystick went to Sam. A cyan one with a thunderbolt went to Lightning.

A green one with a skull went to Duncan. A blue one with a raven went to Noah. A violet one with a shooting star went to Sierra.

The redhead tossed above her own head a rainbow one with a cartoon bomb, landing between her teeth. Izzy violently shakes her head as if she were a dog with a toy.

"You were saying?" the bookworm inquires.

Izzy spits out the bracelet into her hand and presses the insignia in the center. A hologram projects a screen like on the latest tablet or smartphone with different apps. She selects one called "Today's Challenge". After clicking the Confirm button, which was labeled "Henshin-a-Go-Go", she become engulfed in a bright light...

Chef rides on scooter much too small for him, slowing putt-putting it's way towards a large Chris monument. He makes his way to the top, flaming torch in hand.

"Let the Heartseeker Games, begin!"

Shortly after lighting the monument, a large explosion throws him back as well as the camera filming it.

**A/N: Please comment and tell me what you think so far; the craziness has only begun. Also, if you spot all the references, you get a prize!**

**This series will mostly be Tyler-and-Izzy-centric because honesty the jock wannabe could use some more love~ **

**Pairings you should expect are: Alejandro/Tyler, Owen/Izzy, Eva/Sierra, Scott/Dawn, Sam/Dakota, Tyler/Izzy (one-sided), Lightning/Scott, Tyler/Dawn (one-sided), Brick/Scott, Tyler/Dakota (one-sided) and any others my pervy mind can think up~**


End file.
